When The Doubts Come a-Creeping

Where do I even begin to describe the struggles of writing, of attempting my first book and attempting to do it alone? I plan on self-publishing, so I won't have the luxury of an editing team pointing out my every mistake and polishing my work until it is smooth, shiny, and ready for the shelves. The entire weight of editing and producing my book rests on my shoulders, and every time I sit down to write, I remember this: that the word usage, the sentence structures, lack of congruency in paragraphs, the annoying and overused verbs, the rambling and trite descriptions all have to be found and fixed by me and me alone. It is a daunting reality, to say the least. Therefore, to help ease the burden, I am meticulous and intentional with every word I type up. Awesome. So, what does that mean?

It means I write extremely, insanely, could-lose-to-a-snail slow.

Not even kidding, you guys.

It sometimes takes me a month to finish one chapter and, while I'm working on the next chapter, I'll also be doubting myself and wondering how I can improve the previous chapter. Often, I will begin working on a scene, figure out the way I want it to play out, devote myself to it for weeks just to turn around and change it completely. There is no set-in-stone writing process I follow. This is just the way I do it, but it can be quite exhausting after hours of putting in the effort without making any progress.

My meticulosity results in a slow pace, which will then lead to frustration, fear, and, eventually, self-doubt. Always, always with the self-doubt.

With where I am in my book, how much more I have to write, and how slowly I progress, I'm afraid that when I am published, I will lose readers just because I don't produce the next installation fast enough.

I fear that my characters aren't good enough, my descriptions aren't vivid enough, my story isn't engaging enough, that these years of writing, researching, and developing aren't enough.

And my worst thoughts: If I just write forever and never get published, what's the point of writing at all? I can say I'm a "writer," "author," or whatever, but where's the credibility if I don't actually have something on the market? No one's going to believe me. No reader is going to care about me. I have been writing this book for years and I've made little to no breakthrough---- (or so I believe in my frazzled state.)

Once those thoughts come, I enter a full-out, end-of-all-I-know panic mode that wears me down. Those are the times when I don't write a single thing when I don't even turn on my computer or I just stare at the blinking cursor with nothing happening. Those are the times when my family will find me rocking on the floor in a dank room, cobwebs tangled in my hair as I utter incoherent mumblings and promise my pet dust bunny that I will never type nor look at another word again. (Okay... I am so joking! I am not that bad!)

But, these voices of doubt can sometimes be so loud and so overwhelming at times, that they threaten to shatter my confidence and make me crumble beneath the pressure.

So, What Do I Do When That Happens?

I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Writer's block, fear, self-doubt, and uncertainty are issues that every writer out there faces. These things come with writing--- kryptonite within the very thing that empowers us.

So, I'm here to share what I do when the doubts come a-creeping.

The first thing I do is pray.

I escape to my room or the office, sit in the silence for a moment and go to Him for guidance, asking what it is He wants to say through me. Does God always answer in obvious ways? Nope. In fact, He rarely answers in ways I can easily see, but I know His hand is in my work when I find vital connections between Scripture and my story that I didn't even intend or I hear something in church that sparks some amazing idea or theme that I would've never thought of.

Prayer is a powerful thing that is easy to underestimate, for it is often answered silently. We just have to remember to keep our ears and our hearts open.

Next, I battle the inability to write with... Yep... Writing! (And Reading)

Believe it or not, it's a lifesaver.

I have this ongoing poem about writer's block that, whenever I've got nothing to say with my book, I'll sit down and write a few verses to.

Is it the best poem in the world? Probably not. I don't think the rhyme schemes are exactly perfect, either, but it's a nice way to clean up my thoughts. If I'm stuck on that poem, I'll start a new one or even describe something I see or feel.

Journaling, songwriting, or blogging are other great writing ways to help word block and self-doubt. Even if you never intend to publish or show anyone your work, still do it. It's for you, after all.

Another thing I do is convert the already finished chapters of my story to PDF and email them to myself so I have them on my phone. As I'm relaxing or have any spare time, I'll read through my story and make notes of some errors I need to fix, but, because it's on my phone as a PDF file, I'm not tempted to write before I've fully rested. It is a great way to figure out where to go next.

Change what you focus on, and it can help your thoughts come clear and fresh when you do sit down to write again.

When In Doubt, Talk It Out (No pun intended!)

My family is an amazing mix of creative and innovative people. Having different perspectives helps me narrow down my thoughts when I have too many (or not enough) flooding through my head. Sometimes just talking to another person, whether they're writers or not, will help spark an idea that will send me on my way.

Speaking to my family about these doubts also helps me rationalize my fears. When we sit down and talk about what I'm afraid and doubtful of, I realize my worries are usually unnecessary.

A lot of the time, my parents will have some great pointers and ideas that usually get me excited about writing again.

Find someone to talk to. They don't have to be writers, either. Remember, we write intending to let people read our words, so having an idea of what readers would like to see can be very beneficial - just remember to treat advice like advice, and not as a rule. Otherwise, it could hold you back.

And, finally, the most difficult thing to do...

When you still find yourself stuck, TAKE A BREAK.

Turn off your computer, your phone, your tablet--- put down the pen and notebook, have a second cup of coffee, and take a deep breath.

I find that this is the most difficult thing for me to do because when I'm not writing, all I want to do is write. It's all I'm thinking about. I'm mapping out scenes, playing out conversations in my head, figuring out what should come next, and, of course, doubting whether or not my work so far has been good.

And the hard truth in 3...2...1...

As much as we'd like to, we can't write 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We do have to be human every now and then.

Hold up. Let me wipe the tears off my keyboard...

While focusing on another writing project is a great way to renew your thoughts, it isn't always enough. Sometimes, the writer's block is totally widespread and you can't even form a word, let alone anything remotely organized!

When that happens, rest--- mentally, physically, and emotionally. You may need a few minutes... or you may need a few days, and that's okay. If I get to the point where I need to take a break, it's usually a few days (even, a week) before the creativity starts to come back, but once it does, I become unstoppable... until the next episode of writer's block, but that's beyond the point.

When I do finally convince myself to take a few days off from writing, my story gets rejuvenated as I do. It's important to have other stimuli in life, especially when your passion is something that takes as much focus and effort as writing does.

My absent-of-literature hobbies include things like wood and leatherworking, playing guitar, or, really, anything that I can do with my hands.

Cooking, too. It is huge in my family - we love to cook and oftentimes, while I'm chopping veggies or helping my parents some other way in the kitchen, I'll just start wondering about my book, and bam! I've got an idea. (Speaking of food, I might have some recipes coming to the blog, soon!)

Just remember...

When the doubts come and the words won't, give yourselves a bit of time to slow down and take a break. Uncertainty, fear, and lack of confidence are issues that every writer out there faces. I do, and we can either choose to let them batter our minds and give up when the voices get too loud, or we can do what we must to, not just keep going, but keep going filled with confidence and aiming for greatness.

Is it always easy? No. In fact, it's really, really difficult. Does giving up sound tempting, at times? Yeah. It does, but no one would ever get anywhere if they just stopped when things got hard. We're writers. We need to keep going.

It's who we are.

Until next time...

-Elizabeth Mae Wolfram

To learn more about who I am and what I'm doing, check out the About page. Please consider subscribing for notifications and updates, and feel free to contact me at wolframwriting@outlook.com for any questions or comments. Your support is greatly appreciated!