Social Media: A Tool I Use - Not The Other Way Around...

I started needing social media. It became the first thing I saw when I woke up, and the last thing I saw when I went to bed. Throughout the day, I was constantly checking my notifications to see if anyone had liked, commented, messaged, posted, etc. If I wasn't on social media, I was sitting there, wondering what everyone was up to and trying to figure out, to no avail, what I was going to post. If something made me smile, it went on social media. If something made me think or feel anything, it went on social media. All my creativity was being pushed toward social media, while I wasn't actually posting much, and my writing suffered. Instead of working on my book or blogging, I'd opt to go on Instagram or Facebook for a minute to just "unwind" before opening my computer. Then a few short scrolls turned into miles, a few seconds became hours, and when I finally got off, my eyes were burning and I was ready to sleep - not write. Then, waking up the next morning just restarted the cycle.

If this sounds like you, I urge you to not just close out this blog. Give it a chance. This isn't me bashing social media or throwing judgment at people who struggle with being on social media so much. Maybe you're not at the point where you can admit that it's a problem. (I haven't been there until recently.) Maybe you feel so incredibly alone, and social media makes you happy. Trust me, that's a huge part of my problem. Maybe you're introverted and social media negates the awkward interactions that break down your confidence. (Raising my own hand here.) Maybe you're a people pleaser and you can't stand leaving notifications, comments, shares, etc. unnoticed or not responded to. (Again, this is 100% me!)

There are a thousand problems, shortcomings, struggles, etc. that seem to be fixed by social media, and you can come up with a thousand justifications for your time on your preferred app(s). Trust me... I get it. But if it's a problem, it is stealing so much, and regaining our time and peace is what we're going to talk about today....

I got on social media when I was seventeen. At first, it was on my mom's phone so she could keep an eye on things and help monitor who was following me, who commented, etc. Then, social media was far from an issue. I was pretty non-existent for about a year. When I was around 18, I got the apps on my own phone. IG was used for my author stuff, FB was more for keeping up with family and close friends. This is where it started to really go downhill --- but it was a very gradual downslide into being problematic. Soon after getting social media, I met my best friend on there -- which struggling with friendships was a whole other issue I had that social media seemed to fix. I bring this up to show where social media is fantastic. It does have the ability to connect people who, otherwise, wouldn't have known the other existed. My friend and I are a perfect example of what social media can do --- when it's managed correctly. It wasn't until I really started growing my follower base and increasing who I followed that the home screen got really addicting. There are cat videos, memes, poems, posts from other authors, updates, books, life events, etc. So many things I wanted to see, and I wanted to see them all! And when I got down to the bottom of the feed, I'd either get off (only to go back on after 15-30 minutes) or refresh several times daily. If I didn't have anything to do, I was scrolling. If I didn't feel like writing, I was scrolling. If I was cooking and had a few minutes to sit or wait for the food to be done, I was scrolling.

Now I'm getting motion sickness just thinking about that upward blur!

Social media wasn't just a tool I used or something I had to connect with my friends/followers/readers. It was, quite literally, becoming an idolized god. How many hours had I spent scrolling that I could've spent reading my Bible? How many conversations did I have with people on IG or FB that I could've used to talk to God? How many posts did I make in hopes of getting approval from my followers or prospective followers, when my parents and siblings were yearning for my attention and input? There are a lot of moments lost that I could've spent with my family or doing something productive --- such as keeping up with my monthly newsletter, making progress on my book, or setting goals for the day, week, etc.

It was becoming a problem. And I didn't want to admit it. If anyone said anything to me, I'd get offended and list a thousand reasons why I was on it so much. But the problems were evident --- I saw them, I just didn't want to look at them.

But, deep down, I knew being on social media:

• Was killing my creativity

• Was stealing my focus, inspiration, and time

• Was causing me to become short-tempered

• Was disconnecting me from real-life

• Was demanding all of my attention

• Was destroying my motivation to do anything for myself.

Social media was becoming my boss, a figure of authority in my life. It would tell me when it wanted my attention, and I would give it --- 100% for hours. Those notifications commanded me, making it to where --- if I heard that little chime or saw a notification on my screen --- I would stop whatever I was doing, and check the social media. My family was in a fight for my attention against a cell phone. It hurts to think that I have put this little device that cost less than $200 on a pedestal level with if not higher than my family. And I'm ashamed to admit it, it most definitely was on a pedestal higher than the God of the universe. This is how little self-control I had when it came to social media, and how little care I had about it.

This tool was effectively using me, not the other way around.

But I was sick of it. I was sick of hearing my little siblings say, "You never spend time with us." I was sick of my parents saying, "You're always texting someone or on social media. Constantly. All day long." I was sick of realizing two, three, four+ hours of my life had been spent -- not writing or living my life or being with Jesus -- but scrolling through content that wouldn't have any long-lasting effect on my life or mental health. I mean, what the heck was I doing?

And I realized that social media was a huge problem. So from December 21st to January 2nd (today), I promised both myself, my family, and God that I would not be on social media at all. I completely uninstalled every app for two weeks. I thought I would struggle, that it wouldn't be fun and I'd be bored for two weeks, but on day one, I realized just how freeing it was to fall off the face of the earth for a little bit. I could finally focus.

And this morning (the day to get back on social media), I woke up dreading downloading the apps. Because I remember all the time I wasted on them and what I felt like when I used them.

And before you think, "Oh, she's just bashing social media. Probably watched the fear-mongering documentary, The Social Dilemma, and the emotions will die down in a couple of weeks. Or now she's one of those 'extremists' and she's just gonna say, 'Get rid of all your social media or your brain is gonna melt!'"

DON'T CLOSE OUT THE BLOG YET!

First off, this blog isn't about getting rid of your social media accounts and falling off the face of the earth permanently. This blog post is about addressing the problems social media can cause and some ways that you can help get rid of social media as a temptation --- by setting limits and making social media a tool that you use, and not the other way around.  

And yes, I did watch The Social Dilemma, but two days ago --- at the end of the two-week break from social media I'd taken for the holidays. And on day one of my break, I decided that something had to change with social media. Everything that documentary said only 1) identified the points of power social media had over me and 2) cemented my already-made decision in my mind.

So here we go....

Some Ways To Limit Social Media

ONE: TAKE A BREAK FROM SOCIAL MEDIA I'm not just saying to promise yourself that you won't go on it -- because temptation is strong. It is designed to psychologically target you and get your attention. And it's effective. So that's a fight that, more often than not, you'll probably lose.

Therefore, when I say take a break, I mean uninstall the apps.

Take a break for at least a week, but try to do as much as you can. Prove to yourself that you can live life without social media. During this time, list out what is truly important. Is it a "like" that you and the person who liked your post will forget about in two weeks? Or is it the smile from a loved one as you sit and joke with them -- no phones, no distractions, just quality, uninterrupted time with them?

You can sit back and understand where God is in your life --- where you've placed Him. Is He in front of you, leading you, a part of your life every day. Or is He behind you? Someone you only turn back to when you're hurting or need something? Take this time and just rest. I'm not saying you don't have to do anything and just sit around --- but do something productive for yourself. Write a blog post or work on your book.

After a few days without social media, you'll find that your thoughts are clearer and your creativity is flourishing. Social media can be a huge cause of writer's block. Trust me, I've been fighting it for two years and, now that I've taken off social media, my creativity has never been so good!

TWO: CAMOUFLAGE YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA. Have you ever noticed that the social media icon is brightly colored? Have you ever clicked on an app, thinking it's your social media, but it's actually something else? Your mind is trained by color. You see the bright pink and yellow of Instagram or the sleek blue and white of Facebook, and you subconsciously think: I want to go there. You see it, and you're reminded. You think, "Hey, I wanna see what so-and-so is up to." So, something I did was "camouflage" my social media. Basically, I made all my icons look kind of the same --- with the same color scheme and design. I'll show you what I mean.....

This first image is my home screen. This has all of my important apps -- other than social media. If you notice, the supported icons are a dark gray with white images --- all of them. That way the colors of social media/other apps aren't constantly pulling my attention. I have to actively choose to go to an app, rather than doing it on a whim just because I've seen it.

The second image is my middle page. This is my "social media" page. I have my priority group chat filled with my close friends/authors. This is on top, because it is at a higher priority than social media -- which you will notice is on the very bottom. I also have a widget that tells me how much time I've spent on my phone! This is to make me visually see how much I've spent on my phone and help me decide if going on social media is the best thing for me. You'll notice that I don't actually have IG, FB, Threads or anything like that. I'll explain this in the last way to limit social media...

The final image is my third page. I have a widget with a Bible verse of the day. And you're probably wondering... if everything is prioritized, why is the Bible verse on the last page? That is for a reason. Without that third page, I could swipe to the left from the home page and go to the social media page. So I wanted something in between that --- a Bible verse to make me think, "What have I done with God today?" If I haven't done anything, I don't need to go on social media. I also have a calendar widget to remind me to be productive before going on social media. All of this is specifically laid out to, basically, make social media hard to get to and the last thing I get to.

To change icons, I used two apps: The Nothing Iconpack & Nova Launcher. (Yes, you need both. You need the iconpack and the launcher to actually use the pack.) After using these for about three days, I haven't had an issue! The customization options are amazing and I am so in love with my homescreen! (It looks better with my real wallpaper - an adorable picture of Stitch from Lilo & Stitch - I just changed it to a free-to-use image for legal purposes.) There are a ton of icon apps, though I prefer the ones made by JustNewDesigns. They've worked well for me so far.

THIRD: TURN OFF ALL NOTIFICATIONS: If you go into your phone settings and find the settings for app notifications, you can turn off the alerts/messages that the app sends you. Every phone will be different on how you navigate, and if you do some research, you can find clear directions on how to turn off notifications and minimize distractions.

FOURTH: REMOVE SOCIAL MEDIA FROM YOUR PERSONAL DEVICE. No, I'm not meaning to never have social media again. I mean for it to not be on your everyday device. Do you have a tablet? Maybe have social media on that, but not on your personal phone. Do you have a private work phone (not a company work phone). Put your social media on that, but not on your personal phone. This is what I'm doing. My mom and I have a work phone that we use for DHK Creations & Publications, but I decided to put my social media on that. That way, social media is a tool I use when I decide I need to, not a tool that decides when I should need it. I'll make my posts, interact for a healthy amount of time, and then get off and leave my phone in my office. I do not want to backslide into feeling like I need social media constantly.

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Social media is a great tool. It connects people, grows businesses, and makes us feel like we all have a voice. But we need to limit social media. I know that is something I'm going to be working on this year. I want to blog/write more than I post and live my life 100% present.

So what does that mean for my followers on social media? It means I will be on social media less. I probably won't respond to messages as quickly as you're used to. It doesn't mean I'm ignoring anyone or forgetting about anyone, it's just that I am limiting myself. And trust me --- it does hurt that people-pleasing side of me. It's not that I don't want to interact and see what everyone's up to, it's just that I have to be up to something more than scrolling or staring at my phone. Life is way too short to live it in a box. So consider this my independence day, my breaking free from the stronghold social media had over me, my "new year's resolution" that I am going to stick to. And I welcome you to join me!

I pray that you hear my story and that it can help you if you struggle with social media like I did. I promise it might not seem like cutting down on social media time is fun or even important, but if you can do it for a week, you are going to see a huge difference in productivity and mood.

It's been a beautiful thing for me, and I hope it can be for you, too!

Until Next Time,

-Elizabeth Mae Wolfram